a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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