You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
