Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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