sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
