What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
