Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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