Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
