so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
