Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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