Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
