OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
