is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
