just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
