How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
