I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
