May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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