So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
