it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
