dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
