We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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