Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
