I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
