And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Im part way to drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
