I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
