what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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