My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
