I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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