he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
