none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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