Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We have started to decorate penises.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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