My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
