either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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