i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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