You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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