I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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