my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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