do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
