Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
