I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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