I'm going to jail i love you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
