I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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