He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
