i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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