I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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