how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
