Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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