hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
