my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
