well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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