Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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