They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize