so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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