the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
