ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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