Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
