I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
