I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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