If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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