Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
