What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I could fuck to npr.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The power of my boobs compel you
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
