you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
