oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
