sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
