I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
