worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
