one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
