we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
